urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:notgivinupnow22 Dont kid yourself, you need a physician McViccar 2005-06-14T14:34:48Z urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:notgivinupnow22:27016 2005-06-14T14:34:48Z 2005-06-14T14:34:48Z john rueben Dear Diary,<br />Its me Nathan again, after all who else would it be, today was neat, I started my new rap album today and it was cool. Grant brought over his guitars and todd was there, we even made a beat today, it was sweet. Anyways i'm excited but i'm also scared. cause theres mean people out there that say how real or real your not.<br /><br />Well i've been doin alot of stuff lately i guess. lots of hanging out with katie, very cool girl, i have a crush on her. also theres been alot of dude time with troy howley, who is really good looking, robbie, whom i work with and i love, and joe, joe is the man, so funny and awesome.<br /><br />i've also been playing church softball. its been so much fun. yesterday we won 22-1 in our first game and then in our second game we won 34-13. i'm really glad that we murdered the second team because in the second inning we scored like 17 runs and they were like "the bat that you are using is illegal and isnt certified for 2005" now our bat was certified for 2004 but that wasnt good enough for them. they wanted us to have to forfeit the game. it was rediculous. anyway we did not forfeit the game to those bad word other team. but it was alot of fun.<br /><br />so i'm teaching middle school group wednesday. i'm excited but i'm also scared. it should be good i hope. i've been working on the lesson the last two days and i have some good ideas i think. maybe. we'll see how it goes.<br /><br />thanks to all of you for your support the last couple of weeks and stuff. i love you all very much.<br /><br />much love,<br />Nathan Reed urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:notgivinupnow22:26652 2005-06-09T14:57:23Z 2005-06-09T14:57:23Z <p>hey guys, i just wanted to say sorry to all of you who i havent replied to on my last entry, this week has been crazy for a couple reasons.</p> <p>&nbsp;my grandma died on monday morning and so all of the funeral stuff has been crazy. the showing is at Deisler Funeral Home on Hemmeter from 5-8 on Thursday and then the actual funeral is on friday at Hopevale and there is another showing at 10 and the funeral starts at 11.</p> <p>&nbsp;i will try to reply to eveyones comments from my last entry before too long but it might take me a little while. if any of you would like to come to the showing or anything that would be awesome or even the funeral and stuff. i would also ask you to pray for my family, its weird not having my grandma at my house because she lived here with us and i dont have anyone asking me where i'm going and when i'm gonna be home anymore. i dont know. thanks for everything. </p> <p>much love, </p> <p>Nathan McViccar Reed</p> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:notgivinupnow22:26404 2005-06-02T16:31:15Z 2005-06-02T16:31:15Z 1. Reply with your name and I will write something I like about you.<br />2. I will then tell what song reminds me of you.<br />3. If I were to apply an o'clock to you, I'll tell you what it would be.<br />4. I will try to name a single word that best describes you.<br />5. I'll tell you the most memorable moment I've had with you.<br />6. I will tell you what color you remind me of.<br />7. I'll then tell you something that I've always wondered about you.<br />8. Put this in your journal. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:notgivinupnow22:26277 2005-05-26T15:50:42Z 2005-05-26T15:50:42Z theme song from Family Matters <p>well the last couple of days have been a little rough, my dog died yesterday morning. i watched her take her last breath. i dug a hole and burried her in my backyard by a big tree. it makes you think about life, even though she was only a dog it makes me think about how short life is and how you really have to make the most of it. Are we going to live our lives day by day without any meaning to them? Or are we going to spend our lives serving others and making people happy like my dog. Are we going to serve God to our full potential or just sit around and live a monotonous life. I dont know, death always makes me think.</p> <p><img src="http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y285/Nathanmcviccar/snuggles.jpg"></p> <p>so there she is,</p> <p>much love,</p> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:notgivinupnow22:26004 2005-05-26T13:36:46Z 2005-05-26T13:36:46Z <p>so these were the good old days, not that the days going on right now are bad but they just arent old yet, in a couple of months i will be saying the same thing about these days. what am i talking about.</p> <p><img height="207" src="http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y285/Nathanmcviccar/MASTERPIECE.bmp" width="267"></p> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:notgivinupnow22:25720 2005-05-19T14:02:22Z 2005-05-19T14:02:22Z the telephone ringing wow, its been awhile since i've updated.<br /><br />it seems that alot of my time has been filled with working at crumbs and being home and watching my grandma. i've been trying to excercise a little bit more and i road my bike yesterday for quite a distance. i joined the church softball team and i am very excited to be playing with people such as troy and billy. i also played golf with katie and it was alot of fun, i'm not so good at golf but its not about how you play the game its whether or not you have fun. ok so only losers say that. i aslo went bowling and that was a good time too.<br /><br />i played dominos the other night with robbie laura and katie. it was a good time, until the last game, cause the last game was super long and i got tired. its been very coll to be hanging out with robbie, we've been working alot together and hanging out. we've had some good conversations and such, its been good.<br /><br />so its summer but i still feel really busy, i dont really wake up anymore wondering what i'm going to do for a whole entire day. i got sun burned a little yesterday and i was pretty excited about that. not because i want a tan or anything cause my body refuses to be anything but white, but because that means that summer is here. and you know what that means, homerun derbys, playing tennis, going on picnics. playing badmitten, is there a goodmitten? going camping and playing frisbee, there are endless possibilities.<br /><br />alright, well i'm gonna go eat breakfast.<br />much love,<br />McViccar urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:notgivinupnow22:25458 2005-05-06T14:17:25Z 2005-05-06T14:17:25Z I'm going to Ohio urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:notgivinupnow22:25342 2005-03-15T19:58:10Z 2005-03-15T19:58:10Z THE LOST LOVERS NotGivinUpNow22: i want warm weather so i can drive with my window down<br /><br />intotheoceansarm: w0rd<br /><br />intotheoceansarm: me too/<br /><br />NotGivinUpNow22: i cant wait till copelands new cd comes out<br /><br />intotheoceansarm: i know.<br /><br />intotheoceansarm: im going to learn all the songs and sing them to girls.<br /><br />NotGivinUpNow22: like we do now with the old ones<br /><br />intotheoceansarm: yes<br /><br />NotGivinUpNow22: sweet<br /><br />NotGivinUpNow22: we should probably try to write another song agin sometime<br /><br />intotheoceansarm: yea ok.<br /><br />intotheoceansarm: maybe if you didnt have a girl friend.<br /><br />NotGivinUpNow22: think about all the guys in bands with girlfrineds thought<br /><br />intotheoceansarm: yea those bands arnt the lost lovers.<br /><br />NotGivinUpNow22: they still come up with good stuff<br /><br />NotGivinUpNow22: haha<br /><br />intotheoceansarm: theyll never compare.<br /><br />NotGivinUpNow22: alright, wel i'll see what i can do<br /><br />intotheoceansarm: yea<br /><br />intotheoceansarm: so how is it that you get all these pretty girlfriends.<br /><br />NotGivinUpNow22: well it cant be my looks<br /><br />NotGivinUpNow22: so i would say that i know hypnosis<br /><br />intotheoceansarm: haha<br /><br />good old kalen. i've been yelled at for not updating my livejournal in over a month. i guess i'm a bad person... urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:notgivinupnow22:25037 2005-01-31T15:44:52Z 2005-01-31T15:44:52Z Few and Far Between <p>ladies, ladies, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girlies...</p> <p>&nbsp;well i just got done writting a paper for my psychology class and let me tell you, college is rough, but i think i did ok on my paper if not awesome. </p> <p>i went to michindoh this weekend with a bunch of jr. highers and it was alot of fun. i'm super tired now though and my whole body hurts. </p> <p>things have been going alright though i guess, i dont really feel like i have a whole lot of money and i just feel alot of pressure and stuff. </p> <p>on thursday night kalen told me that i had to break up with my girlfriend because he told me that we needed to write another lost lovers song but that i was no longer a lost lover because i have a girlfriend. so in order to come out with another lost lovers hit according to kalen, i must break up with my girlfriend. well kalen i dont think that is going to happen so maybe we'll just be a one hit wonder. for those of you that havent heard the one hit wonder check it out <a href="http://www.purevolume.com/thelostlovers">www.purevolume.com/thelostlovers</a> </p> <p>so i dont really know what i'm gonna do with my life, anybody got any bright ideas on what my profession should be? </p> <p>well i guess thats enough for today.</p> <p>much love,</p> <p>McViccar</p> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:notgivinupnow22:24686 2005-01-06T19:24:27Z 2005-01-06T19:24:27Z The New Amsterdams so it seems as if my live journal has died, but maybe i'll bring it back to life someday, maybe the things that seem to haunt me are no longer things to be written online for everyone to read...<br /><br />just to let you know this isnt really a very pretty entry and you might not want to read it, i just wanted to get my thoughts out of my head...<br /><br />I'm not gonna lie guys, every time i think about my future i feel like i'm gonna throw up and crap my pants because i'm so scared of what it holds. i'm scared that the people that i know and hold close to my heart will no longer be there. i will always love them and they will always hold a special place in my heart but sometimes i'm afraid of not being able to see these people. <br /><br />I went to this college retreat conference thing in columbus ohio and on the last night the speaker had us all get into groups and then he would pray for us and i dont even remember what all the groups were but i remember the group that i went to. it was a group for people that had a hard time giving things to God. i dont know what my deal is, i feel like i've always had this, maybe because whenever i feel like something needs to get done i'm the one that has to do it because if i leave it up to someone else it wont get done. i really do want to give my future to God but i get so scared, i want to just say this is how its gonna be but it doesnt work like that...<br /><br />When i think about how my life has been and how much of a failure that i've been so far i dont really feel like trying anymore. i feel like no matter what i do i will never amount to anything to myself, God, or anyone else. i struggle. i'm a jerk, an idiot, i've hurt people, i haven't been the friend that i should be. sometimes i just want to curl up in my bed and stay there and never get out. <br /><br />i'm sorry for this entry its not a very fun one to read. i will try to write one a little better next time.<br /><br />thankyou for your time...<br /><br />God Bless<br />and much love,<br />Nathan McViccar Reed urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:notgivinupnow22:24482 2005-01-02T01:54:12Z 2005-01-02T01:54:12Z so it has come to my attention that i havent updated in awhile...<br /><br />and i have one question for you and i expect you to answer!<br /><br />where have you been my whole entire life? urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:notgivinupnow22:24208 2004-12-14T04:13:21Z 2004-12-14T04:13:21Z if i could just find that gun i would shoot finals in the face urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:notgivinupnow22:23917 2004-11-27T05:15:30Z 2004-11-27T05:15:30Z Jars of Clay do you ever feel like you dont want to be here anymore...<br />not that i even know where "here" is, i just dont want to be there anymore...<br /><br />i feel so distant from you, i want to be your friend but i never see you anymore and i dont understand it anymore, it seems as if i've lost alot of friends in the last year. i've also made alot of friends too, but i want you to know that i miss you. i miss the talks that we had, the late nights of talking nonsense and the serious things we talked about. where did those days go. i just want to let you know that i will always love you. no matter what, i want you to know that you can always come to me and tell me anything. to all of you, i want you to know, that i love you with all my heart.<br /><br />much love,<br />Nathan McViccar Reed urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:notgivinupnow22:23569 2004-11-17T04:37:07Z 2004-11-18T02:02:43Z who else everyone has to check this out and tell me what they think about it http://www.purevolume.com/thelostlovers i think they are amazing urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:notgivinupnow22:23486 2004-10-06T03:28:15Z 2004-10-06T03:28:15Z i suck at life! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:notgivinupnow22:23132 2004-10-05T01:10:32Z 2004-10-05T01:10:32Z kalen singing chiodos in a really high pitched voice so today was pretty swell, actually i will start with last night,<br /><br />last night was fun went to the townhouse and had a goodtime and won some fights. <br /><br />i woke up today and went to class, class was good. then i came home and ate some delicious pizza. after that i watched some indiana jones, classic, and i took a three hour nap, woke up in time for the simpsons, then i played some b-ball with my dad, that was fun, havent done that in awhile. and then the quote of the day happened.<br /><br />my grandma came out to watch me and my dad play basketball and we were going in and there were some police sirens going off and this is what she says<br /><br />"we'd better get in before the police get here"<br /><br />it was hilarious. good times. and now steve duby is here, i have mad love for him. so i'm gonna go and hangout with him,<br /><br />goodnight to all and to all and goodnight... whatever that means urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:notgivinupnow22:22912 2004-10-03T18:54:10Z 2004-10-03T18:54:10Z fordirelifesake i dont know where i belong anymore...<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />"Santa Clause isnt obese, he's just overweight" urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:notgivinupnow22:22536 2004-09-30T19:00:34Z 2004-09-30T19:02:41Z THE LOST LOVERS so it has occured to me that i may come acrossed as a depressed person in my entries and i complain in them alot. this is what i have to say about that. what of it. deal with it. <br /><br />actually i'm gonna write a good positive entry<br /><br />cause i mean really how bad do i really have it.<br />-i've got tons of solid friends<br />-i've got some solid parents<br />-my grandma lives with me (my grandma is hilarious)<br />-i've got a solid church<br />-i've got a solid God<br />-the grass hasnt grown that much so i havent mowed the lawn in over a week<br />-i've got a solid job that there is no way i could complain about it.<br /><br />and when i say solid i mean sweet, awesome, the best, the coolest.<br />especially when i am talking about friends.<br /><br />so i was thinking the other day, what if we could see like elfs, i guess they have really really good sight and they can see far away and stuff... just think of how many good looking girls you would see a day. <br /><br />i really wish i had a really cool back porch, or a tree house that i could just chill outside on and drink coffee or tea and just do some thinking and such. maybe watch the sun go down, eat some "special" brownies<br /><br />the band mae makes me extremely happy, i dont even really now why, but i listen to them in my car and just sing along and bounce side to side. and it makes me happy. <br /><br />i'm glad that i'm alive and that God has placed me in saginaw and has given me the privelage to be your friend, and believe me, i consider it a privelage. i love you all and even if you dont think so, i do. <br /><br />o yea, i want to get some sweet nickname, i dont think i have one, do i?<br /><br />well, if women dont find you handsom, they should at least find you handy.<br /><br />much love,<br />Nathan McViccar Reed urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:notgivinupnow22:22211 2004-09-26T04:12:34Z 2004-09-26T04:12:34Z Then I ask have you ever felt abandoned? <br />Felt so lost that you were stranded, <br />Just like all the walls are closing in <br />And you were left inside <br />Have you ever felt like your days were numbered? <br />Stuck under a tree in thunder <br />Seems to be no way out! <br /><br />thanks for the slurpee! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:notgivinupnow22:21685 2004-09-23T02:51:27Z 2004-09-23T02:51:27Z you're such a sweet heart. thankyou so much. you make me feel good.<br /><br />so i was looking through my interests and i have Bay City as one of them, whats up with that, i dont even like bay city that much. except for some of the people and the big O urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:notgivinupnow22:21426 2004-09-16T00:01:14Z 2004-09-16T00:01:14Z i dont want to try anymore, i really dont. i want to lay in bed all day tomorrow and never get up.<br /><br />right now i feel like i'm such a jerk. not for the things i've said or the things that i've done, but for the way that i feel. i dont feel like loving anyone. i aint got no love no way no how. sometimes i want to punch people in the face. i know i shouldnt but they frustrate me. i'm sure that i frustrate them as well. i know that i should show everyone love no matter what. because that is what God does for us, but at the same time i just dont feel like it anymore. there are only a few people that i feel like i can always love, and i think that i feel that way because they have always loved me and never wronged me in anyway. and i know that right now this attitude that i'm having is selfish and so i would ask you to pray for me. i guess its just one of those things. like i feel depressed right now. mostly cause i'm putting off homework but sometimes i just feel like the way that i feel about people is way different then the way that they feel about me. like i love all of you but some relationships that i have with people i feel like i put so much in and they could care less about the fact that i love them and they dont care in anyway. i'm not even talking about "love" the gooshy stuff, but the love that i think that we all need to have for eachother. and now i'm gonna stop because i'm not even sure if i'm making sense anymore.<br /><br />much love, and i mean that,<br />McVIccar urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:notgivinupnow22:21023 2004-09-11T16:49:34Z 2004-09-11T16:49:34Z i got chalked! and whoever did it i would like to say thankyou. it made me feel good. to bad chalk will wash out, you should have done it in permanent marker... jk. well here is a hug from me to whomever done it. hug... <br /><br />thankyou, you made my day.<br />nathan reed urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:notgivinupnow22:20852 2004-09-07T03:59:23Z 2004-09-07T03:59:23Z so tonight was definately a fun time. well at least i enjoyed myself.<br /><br />well, let me tell you about it. Mary Snyder and i decided that we were gonna go kidnap john laukner because he had a depressing away message, and i know that if someone came and kidnapped me it would make my day. so anyway what started as a little one person kidnapping turned into a huge night of driving around and kidnapping numerous amounts of people and duck taping them in the back of my van. some may call that creepy but i thought that it was extremely funny and i think everyone had a good time. <br />everyone that ended up getting kidnapped in order of kidnapping<br />john <br />jenna<br />allie<br />jonathan<br />sarah <br />meghan<br />adam<br /><br />so i think that Mary Snyder and i rocked cause i thought tonight was gonna be super boring but it ended up being a blast.<br /><br />well i'm out for now,<br />much love,<br />McViccar urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:notgivinupnow22:20526 2004-09-05T05:12:34Z 2004-09-05T05:12:34Z well i'm gonna be honest with you,<br /><br />i'm a little depressed right now. probably for some of the same reasons that i have been for the last week or so.<br /><br />i havent gotten as much sleep as i used to since school started and now i have homework to do, let me tell you, homework sucks, i tried to do some and it was no good.<br /><br />each paragraph will represent a reason for being depressed...<br /><br />another thing is that i feel as if everything around me has been changing. some is good and some is bad. a;ot of it has to do with relationships with people. sometimes i feel like i dont know what to do with some of my relationships, i know alot of people but how many of them do i actually "know" well. sometimes i feel like i dont know where i belong anymore. i think that i used to know but now things have changed<br /><br />me and God arent doing very good right now, sometimes i feel like God doesnt care anymore and hes walking away from me. but i know that God is still in the same place as he's always been, if not reaching out more to me but for some reason i feel like i'm running away from him, and i hate it, i want to run to him but for some reason i feel like i cant. i dont even know what it is. <br /><br />i have such a hard time giving things to God, and i shouldnt, he's always taken care of me, honestly i dont care what anyone says, i know God is real by what he has done in my life. but its hard for me to let go and give it all to him. i kind of feel like the quote from the matrix where it goes<br /><br />"do you believe in fate"<br />"No"<br />"why not?"<br />"because i dont like the thought of not being in control of my own life."<br /><br />does that make any sense? i just feel like i push God away and i hate myself for that. <br /><br />do you ever feel like no matter how hard you try you feel like your always flat on your face and a big fat sumo wrestler is on top of you and his name is "failure" and you feel like no matter how hard you try you cant get up. this is what i feel like everyday. i feel like such a failure. i mean come on, what am i doing with my life. is my life of any importance to anyone or anything?<br /><br />i'm really sorry for this entry. its not the greatest and i know that you probably feel awkward reading it or something, i just really needed to get this out of my head and on the screen. <br /><br />dont hate me<br /><br />the same old<br />nathan reed urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:notgivinupnow22:20353 2004-09-04T20:12:48Z 2004-09-04T20:12:48Z i think that its time for a new user pic. does anyone have any good ideas?